I should be training. I should be into my 3rd week of my half marathon training for my November Rock N Roll Half in Las Vegas. I should be running twice during the week and once on Saturdays. I should be running.
But I’m not.
My running schedule is sketchy as hell lately. I can’t seem to shake back into the groove of Tues/Thurs runs. It doesn’t help, either, that I’ve signed up to be my son’s team-mom which makes me not as available. And top it all off, his practices are… drum roll… Tuesdays and Thursdays. Ugh! We can’t seem to break away from that schedule which throws both of our workout routines off.
And for some reason I just loath the idea of getting out on the road and running. It’s just not appealing to me AT ALL. Where did this strong dislike come from? Why am I so angsty?!
You’d think my new running shirts, emblazoned with our group logo would encourage me to get out there and wear it while taking on a 5 mile route.
But nooooooooooooooooooooooo… I’m determined to undermine myself. And I don’t. KNOW. WHY!
I went from a 60+ mile month in June to a no nothing month in July and now August is following suit.
I’m trying to get out and walk at lunch, I’m also talking a circuit class on Friday nights this month (can you say, OUCH!), and I’m making sure I run at least once a week. It’s completely pathetic but hey, that’s better than not running at all!
I’m probably not helping myself by not getting out there and trying harder to keep up my interest. It doesn’t help that I’ve jumped back into quilting and my calf has been bothering me, two things that are keeping me from enjoying my running. When I’m out there I’m thinking about the projects I want to complete at home or I’m worried I’m going to seriously end up injuring myself. Right now the calf thing is only minor, but I’ve learned from the past not to trust it.
The feelings of guilt I’m dealing with over not running isn’t making this time off enjoyable. Instead I’m shaming and beating myself up for my lack of willpower. And I know I’m disappointing others, which is probably worse than my own disappointment in myself.
I guess, if I’m real honest, I need to be the one to push and I need to do it now. If I’m going to run this half marathon without injury or issue, I need to just go. Even with the issue of my son’s practice getting in the way of the group, I can still run on my own. I’ll just have to do it after he’s finished and home for dinner.
Let’s hope something clicks and I get back on track soon.