I am a social person. I can talk and mingle with others. But only for so long. After a while I feel run down and tired from too much stimulation.
Over the last couple of years I’ve learned the difference between someone who is antisocial and someone who is introverted. For years I considered myself antisocial because I thought I didn’t like being around people. Instead, after reading and learning more about the different ways people process outside stimulation, I realized that it’s not the people that tires me out but the noises and the high expectations to perform around others.
While I do enjoy people and talking and sharing, I find that I am more inclined to seek out time alone. I need that quiet time to recenter and find my balance. Too much stimulus and I fall silent, tired from the input and static in my head.
Lately, I’ve been shying away from visiting the gym and working out. I haven’t taken a Body Pump class (my favorite!) in months due to my son’s spring soccer schedule. And getting into the gym after first visiting home is a struggle because I’m comfortable in my nest and once I’m there, I don’t want to leave. Even getting out to run with the group has become too much.
While I had good excuses like an injured heel and soccer practice for my son, I’m still not making a new time slot to fit in a workout. I almost feel I need someone to hold my hand and guide me into the gym and onto a bike, giving me explicit instructions and a routine to follow.
My independent self laughs at this and wonders what the fuck am I doing. I remind myself I don’t need help, I can do it myself. Yet, here I sit, dreading a visit to the gym, dreading the energy it will take to get me there.
It’s like I’ve hit a brick wall I didn’t see coming. Like following a map and walking into a cul-de-sac you weren’t expecting when the map clearly shows this is a thru street.
I want to want to go. I want to want to be in the thick of a gym getting my burn on because I know being there I’ll push hard, sweat more, and burn more than I will at home. Staying home to workout isn’t a bad thing it’s just not the optimal thing for my goals.
But for some reason I just want to stay home and curl up with a book, shut out the world for an hour or two and just be. Or have someone drag me into the gym and force me on a machine.
Either way I can’t find it in myself to go even though I know I must.