On A Scale From One To Obese

It’s never easy to admit when you are wrong. Especially about something that I took for granted.

Well, here I am. I was wrong. I was wrong about something. I took it for granted. And now I’m having to reassess my situation and admit my mistake.

I took my health for granted.

For some weird reason, I thought I was a pretty healthy person. I walked to work, I packed my own lunch, I cooked most of our meals and I attempted to go to the gym when I could or run with my group. Then I slowly started slacking. I let go of running and working out and yet kept the same mindset.

It was like my mind had decided that because I had run for so long and worked out for so long that I had somehow managed to save some “health” so that if I took some time off, nothing in my body would change. That it would stay the same even if I ate like normal, as if I had collected time and stashed it all away.

Saving free calories for a rainy day.

But I was wrong. I can’t save up for an off day. Health is a daily process, a daily choice. A fight day in and day out.

I don’t run anymore. I don’t go to the gym any more and it’s officially showing. Not just showing, but showing so that I can’t ignore it any more.

My clothes don’t fit the same and I’m struggling to put together an outfit that doesn’t look like shit or show off my bulging muffin top that I can no longer tuck under my shirt. My cheekbones don’t stand out like they used to and my collar bones have fallen away. If I had a waist line I can’t tell. I’m just one big shape now.

But I’m not here to beat myself up, at least any more. I’ve been doing enough of that lately. The reason for this outpouring of truth and acknowledgment is that I stepped on the scale and was given the shock of my life. I’m no longer in the overweight category on the BMI range. I’m now considered obese and I have the data to prove it to myself.

  
I can’t hide it any more, all the signs and data are all pointing to a problem. A BIG problem. And that BIG problem is staring right back at me when I look in the mirror.

How I’m going to remedy this problem, I’m not sure yet. I have very little hope that I can lose a healthy amount of weight and get myself back into shape without sacrificing something drastic. I’ve started over so many times, keeping my weight in check with a gain/loss of 2-3 lbs only. But that 2-3 lbs slowly upgraded overtime to only gaining 5-6 lbs. Sooner or later it jumped to 10 lbs up from my highest. I was no longer balancing between losing and gaining, I was only going up and up.

I guess I took for granted that even though I wasn’t losing, I was still maintaining what was still considered healthy. All the running and the drinking water and the working out and healthy eating was doing something, even if it wasn’t showing on the scale.

It was keeping me in check and keeping me healthy.

Maybe I just got tired. And I know I did. But that’s not an excuse. Most of the exhaustion comes from not being active enough. I may walk a lot and stand a lot and move a lot but I also sit a lot too.

So, what now? The obvious answer is to start eating healthy, drinking my water, and to start working out again. But that hasn’t work so far. If anything that has pushed me away and kept me from trying anymore. I need to figure something else out. Find a way to trick my mind into working out again.

Whatever the case may be, I need to start doing something.

No matter how small.

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Motivational Monday: Set A Goal

This weekend I let go of a goal that was no longer suiting my needs. I had a 5k running plan setup through Runkeeper. But I’m running more than the prescribed schedule and it was holding me back.

So I dropped that schedule and set myself up to train for a half marathon. Yes, 13 miles instead of 3 miles.

Go me!
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Workout Wednesday: On A Roll

Lately, I’ve been running.

This seems like an odd thing to say on a running blog but it needs to be stated.

I’m running on a regular basis and my running has changed.

Before I go further, let’s do a little fall back and get some background laid out first.

I ran 12 races in 2012. My motivation was to go from an asthmatic women with knee problems who was slow as hell and HATED running to someone who could just go out there and run and enjoy it!

It worked! I did each race and then some after that year. It became an addiction and while my big goal was completed for that year, I continued to sign up and run race after race.

Then I got injured and it set me back. On top of that, I stopped taking my birth control. I took it for more than the usual reasons. I was diagnosed with PMDD and my cycles could be pretty severe from the physical, painful cramping to the extreme ups and downs emotionally. Birth control helped maintain a level of normalcy I didn’t get naturally.

When we decided we wanted to get pregnant, I had to stop taking it, of course. But after two years of struggling to push through the ups and downs, watching my weight balloon out of control even when I’m working to keep it off, and not being able to stick to anything due to the ever changing moods I experience 3 weeks out of every month, I’m kinda putting two and two together that the pill I was on was a godsend and if it wasn’t for me wanting to get pregnant again and expand our family, I’d be back taking that pill in a heartbeat!

Enough about that. Back to running…

So I haven’t had a running routine that has stuck with me for years now. I just can’t seem to get on the ball and run. I think I lost my mojo more than once and never really wanted it back, to be honest.

Until now.

For some reason, I’ve mentally broken down the wall that was blocking me from running without intervals. I could do it during a race (as my husband so lovingly reminds me ALL THE TIME!) but not on a daily basis.

When I went out to run, I’d run a 4:1 or a 3:1 when I was feeling sluggish. I felt that I NEEDED that walk. I needed that minute of not running to improve my running.

I don’t know what was holding me back. Or why, for that matter. Was I scared of improving? Was I worried I was going to fail? Did my injury hold me back? Or was I afraid of getting reinjured?

I can’t say exactly what it was that held me back but I clung to my intervals with a death grip. I wouldn’t let go and it kinda sucked the love out of running.

Then I went on a run without my phone. No way to log it or track it or to use my intervals. Instead I ran instinctually. I slowed down if I was feeling any pain and I sped up if I was feeling the need to pick up the pace.

And it worked. I ran without any issues and I felt freer than I had in a long time. That’s when I turned it all off. Everything.

No more audio cues telling me how far I had gone, how long it had taken me, and what my pace was at that moment. Instead I listened to a podcast or a playlist and enjoyed my run without thinking too much about it.

Through this I learned to just run.

Odd, isn’t it? After a year of learning to run and race, I never thought to just…well…run.

Even though I use an app to track my mileage, I only look at it after I’m done. I keep it in a pouch where it records my run but stays quiet the whole time. After each run I’ll post a little something on Instagram using a screen shot of my run. After a few days of running this way, I took a second to stop and compare the three I had.

I was surprised by what I found!

12:43 pace

12:04 pace

      11:54 pace

 If I didn’t have the proof from my recording to show how my pace improved in just a few days of running this way, I wouldn’t believe it. But there it is. Slowly but surely I’m running faster and I’m adding distance.

There is a small part of me that still doesn’t believe this could be true but that’s my low self esteem talking and I need that voice to hush and go away because the proof is right there in front of me. Once I turned off the voices (both mental and literal) I started running better and improving my speed.

For the first time since I started running, I’m actually doing just that. I’m actually running!

Today is my rest day. We have some errands to run and some projects to finish at home. Tomorrow I have a 1.5 mile run on the schedule but I may extend that out to 2.5 or 2.75 to push myself and work on finding my limit.

So far I’ve gone 2.3 miles with no intervals and felt fine but I’m getting curious to see how far I can actually go. Kinda like taking out a new car for a test drive and getting the itch to open her up and see how fast she really can go.

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Motivational Monday: No More Voices

Today I got up knowing I needed to run. I have a new schedule I’m trying to stick to and I missed yesterday’s run due to all the Easter activities. So I knew it had to be today.

I got up a little late to run by myself so I got my son up and invited him to ride his bike. It didn’t take any time for him to agree. He loves riding outside of the complex!

My new unplugged running method has really given me what I need to run without walking. I had thought that having an interval workout set-up in my Runkeeper app was helping me but now that I run without the intervals or without any audio cues (no pace, no distance, or time) I’m finding myself able to run without walking. Something I thought I could only do during a race when I had a lot of motivation and encouragement.

I’m certainly not working on speed right now. I’m just building up my endurance slowly without injuring myself. I want to continue running like I am, without walking, but I want to make sure I don’t hurt myself, too. I’m prone to injury and getting hurt is not only a physical set-back but it can also be a mental set-back, too.

After today’s run, that’s three days I’ve now gone on a continuous run with no walking or stopping. I’m feeling great and totally motivated to continue. I’m up to 1.5 miles continuously and I hope to get up to two miles next week.

It would seem I just had to experience myself running to know I could do it. My body is obviously able to, my mind just had to catch up and know it was true.

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April Ultimate Coffee Date

It’s been a while since I last participated in the Ultimate Coffee date hosted by Fitness Mom Wine Country, Confessions of a Mother Runner, and  Got 2 Run 4 Me. Check out the blog hop and visit with other fitness fans and runners around the web sharing a hot cuppa joe this morning.

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If I was having coffee with you this morning, I’d gush about my great run yesterday and laugh about my butt hurting from it! The good kind of hurt! I actually woke up this morning saying I’ll have to run this hill again so that I can feel this kind of sore more often. It’s the kind of sore tushy that makes you feel like you really accomplished something. And I love that feeling!

If I was having coffee with you this morning, I’d tell you I’m writing this post from my new laptop and I’m still not thrilled about it. You see I was recording our second podcast episode for Hobbies Up To Here when my GarageBand app decided to freeze before I could save the whole thing.

I lost an hour of recording and was thoroughly pissed. But that caused us to discuss the fact that my old MacBook was pretty much dead and had been on its last leg the last year or two. The CD drive had failed over 5 years ago but I refused to get a new computer then because it worked (mostly) and I didn’t want to spend the money.

I got the drive fixed then but from that moment on the thing just kept falling apart. It was a work horse! And I was comfortable with the software I used for my podcasting and blogging. So for 5 years I’ve dealt with new issues that came up over time. I couldn’t use the laptop without using the power cord or it would power down randomly. The fan would kick on LOUDLY because it would overheat within 10 minutes of using it. The repaired CD drive finally died.

After losing that recording yesterday, it was time to bite the bullet and I wasn’t thrilled. Most people would have LOVED a new laptop but not me. I wasn’t ready to pay through the nose for one when mine worked (sorta). Ugh! But I went through with it. Best Buy was offering a deal. I got the previous generation Mac Air Book at a discounted rate due to a newer version coming out soon. It has everything I need and I don’t have to learn any new software to continue recording my podcast.

It was still tough to cough up the money. I’m not a good shopper!

If I was having coffee with you this morning, I’d share how poorly our house hunt is going which is why spending money is tough. We’re up against a lot trying to buy a place of our own down here in sunny California and we’re starting to give up hope. Because we are trying to buy, we’re in save save SAVE mode and buying a new laptop (though I really did need it) was hard. On top of that, my flip flops broke yesterday, TOO! Being is Southern California, flip flops are a must have year round so I’m going to have to spend money on those, too.

Oh did I tell you I’m also in Maid of Honor mode and spending money on that too? I have so many great ideas for the shower (next weekend) and bachelorette (beginning of May) that I’m having to get creative with the costs so I can do it all without breaking the bank.

And with me being on Spring Break for the next week, that’s time off I don’t get paid for. BOO! So I’m going to have to spend wisely to make it all happen.

If I was having coffee with you this morning, I’d tell you this whole money situation is making me cranky. These are the times I wish I hadn’t left my cushy job to follow my heart and get back into teaching. I love teaching and I’ve missed it these past seven years, but at this moment, right now, I’m missing the money I used to make.

If I was having coffee with you this morning, I’d tell you that I’m not always such a humbug sorta person. It’s just been a tough last 24 hours with the realization that I’m trying to plan a lot and will have to spend some money when I really shouldn’t but it’s apart of the whole gig.

So I’m hoping the next week off I’ll see some improvement in my mood as I get creative with the goodies for the parties AND I’ll make time to run that hill again just for me.

I’ve also got a lot to look forward to that will hopefully boost my mood. We have a Ducks hockey game Wednesday and my son is bringing his best buddy. Then Thursday my sister-in-law arrives along with my niece from Spokane to share the Spring Break time off together.

See, I’m already looking forward to it and I’m feeling much better just thinking about all the good things I have ahead of me.

Have a great Easter if you celebrate, otherwise enjoy the weekend! We have brunch tomorrow with family but that’s about it! We’re totally being lazy this weekend. We are not religious so we don’t celebrate the holiday but we do enjoy the family time with those that do celebrate.

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Bastanchury Hill

Today began my Spring Break. The first time I’ve had a job since college that actually gave me this time off.

I’ve been excited to have some time and started it off with some much needed me-time and a good, hard run. I took off dropping off the kid let and decided to take on a hill in town that’s pretty tough.

It’s half a mile hill up with an elevation change from 266 ft to 432 ft. It’s a nice little jaunt and one I’ve run before. This my love/hate hill. On bad days, it’s hard to trudge up. But on good days, like today, I take that beast and make it mine!

Ever since I ran without my phone due to me not having it on hand, I’ve made it my goal to run without cues or intervals. I’ve silenced my phone and now only use it to quietly track my mileage. It doesn’t call out my time or pace or mileage. Instead it just sits in my pocket, quietly marking off miles and calories burned.

Having this new outlook on running has led me to run better and without over analyzing every little step. And I’ve stopped running with intervals. I now walk when needed and mostly run. Why, just last night I ran 1.5 miles without walking and was pretty damn proud of that.

So today I walked as a warm up then took off at the base of the hill I ran with only two pit stops along the hill and made it to the top winded but completely stoked. Then I made my way downhill and ran the whole way home! Other than stops at the signals (where I stretched while I waited) I continued through all the thoughts and soreness that plagued me.

In the end I was super proud of this run. The mileage and time aren’t great but that wasn’t the point. Finishing that hill and then completing the run without walking pumped me up and gave me the energy needed to start my time off.

Sometimes just turning everything off and going can be the best thing. Other than a podcast to keep my mind off of my brain wanting to stop at any point, I really have started to run with as little distraction as possible and I’m seeing improvements already.


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Workout Wednesday: Take A Walk On The Wild Side

It’s been a busy week since my last Workout Wednesday post. We had a lot of family in town so the weekend was spent socializing and visiting. I also didn’t make it to zumba like I wanted due to scheduling issues. That is the one down side to our gym, no child care. If my husband’s work day runs late, I run the risk of missing class. So I took advantage of my son’s practices and ran while he played.

But I did get a longer run in Friday morning. After dropping the kidlet off at school I did a 3.6 mile run around the hood. It wasn’t perfect nor was it easy but I was happy to have it under my belt.

I’m trying to slowly up my mileage since I’m pretty much at the start line again. Plus I have a wedding coming up soon and I can’t risk an injury that will make it tough for me to fulfill my maid-of-honor duties.

After my run and a quick shower, I was back at school for an award ceremony. We were told our son was getting a special award but no mention of it was made so we were all in for a treat.

He earned the Teacher’s Choice Award! It was for his willingness to learn and also for the great connections he makes between what he’s learned and real life.

We are so super proud!! So far this week I made it to Zumba Monday night  and took a walk with my husband to keep loose during soccer practice last night. These walks together are really a sweet blessing. We talk and sometimes slip into a comfortable silence. We touch on topics we forget to share about when things are so busy around the home so I really really appreciate the time with him. I start to look forward to our soccer practice walks now!

Today I plan to rest and grade papers and I’ll run Thursday and Friday.

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